"Connor is not injured [standard trainer call opening disclaimer], but four of us have been trying to catch him for hours and we haven't been able to, and it's going to storm tonight. He's acting like when you first got him (9 years ago), it's so weird. Do you think you could come out here and give it a try?"
I came straight out and he walked straight up to me and stood like a statue while I clipped the lead rope on him and brought him in. He was clearly on edge, but he didn't even consider running away from me.
What probably happened: something set him off when they went to catch him, and then he got more and more wound up and just needed a break, which he got before I got there. What I'm choosing to tell myself: this is my horse reminding me that I am essential to him in some ways, even if I don't perform the tasks that keep him alive and healthy. His breeder is always telling me how much he trusts me, and maybe it's true.
Since I was there, I gave him a good grooming, and I have to admit, I cried. I thought I was doing okay being away from him, but secretly there's a giant horse shaped hole in my soul. It's not even the riding that I miss. I miss the way he is constantly looking for cookies, and the way he loves the insides of his ears being scratched, and the way he cranes his neck around me and tries to scratch me back when I hit the right spot on his withers with the curry, and how he'll stand there with his head on my shoulder indefinitely.
But I was also struck by this feeling of gratitude for this time away from him. I think sometimes we equestrians can get so caught up in the routine and our plans for the future and trying to balance our many responsibilities, and we lose sight of what "lights your soul on fire". We TALK about trying to "remember what it was like to be a kid running around bareback on a pony", but how do you FIND it? That feeling of immense peace and mental reset I get from just being around him last night is unmistakable.
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| Brand new machine washable biothane halter and lead I bought specifically for myself, so I'd have an easily disinfectable halter and lead set to use on him |
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| Til next time, my best boy! |
Think about it...our horses like routine. Then all of a sudden you disappear, for days. Same coin, other side. I bet he was relieved to see you. Anna
ReplyDeleteThat IS true, but it's not out of the ordinary for me to be gone for a week or two at a time due to work, so he IS used to this, as much as I'd like to convince myself he misses me. He's an extremely laid back guy when it comes to routine.
DeleteI'm so happy you got to go out and spend some quality time with him <3
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteHe definitely misses you and he knows how to get you back to the barn. Embrace it. Your relationship is essential to each other.
ReplyDeleteHe is definitely my heart horse.
DeleteNice that you were able to be essential for a night and get a visit with your boy!
ReplyDeleteIt was just what I needed!
Deleteglad that Connor staged an intervention to see his mom :) HA (PS remus did this at an old barn I was at. NO ONE could catch him if he got loose. I had to leave work once to go catch him. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's funny! They are so weird sometimes.
DeleteI know anytime I would go on even a short vacation from Ramone he'd always climb all over himself to be near me when I got back. Dante is a little different, he definitely has shown to be a bit more clingy to me in a new place versus when I'm gone for a while and come back. I'm glad you got some horse time last night!
ReplyDeleteThey do react differently. We had an OTTB boarded with us for a short while who became more and more unstable and weird the longer his (very, very doting owner) was away. Connor has always been the same no matter how long my business trips are (I think 21 days is the longest I've been away from him) but maybe that's changing.
DeleteI'm glad you got to see your boy. I got to see my horses briefly too to drop off smartpaks, and i had the same reaction. Cried on my way home. It was surprising, as I also thought I was handling things well. Almost a break for me since I've essentially been rehabbing horses for the last however many years. But I guess I'm just really good at hiding my feelings?
ReplyDeleteI also ordered biothane halters for all of mine so when the time comes I will use those at the barn until they come back home. I never knew I'd have an appreciation for fake leather like this!
Hahaha, we are SO the same on the biothane halters. I've had to order them twice now and not by choice, once when every halter I put Connor's GreenGuard muzzle on rubbed his face (except biothane) and then this time. Who knew they'd be so useful?
DeleteI find the sense of being bareback on a pony as a kid comes back easily when i ride my giant moose bareback.
ReplyDeleteAnd as you said--that means more to me than all the rest combined.
:) Glad you got some pony time. I was soooooo close to dropping Cosmo's grain off myself this week, but then the delivery guy called to confirm they'd make his delivery today.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm passed the withdrawals now. But my new normal has so much down time. This past weekend was rough. For no reason in particular. I'm just in a several-day funk. Not sure what will finally turn me around, but something will.
It's kinda magical to be needed <3
ReplyDeleteIt's been so hard to be away. I'm so glad you got to spend some nice, peaceful moments with your pony.
Aww! I'm glad you got to see him again, I'm sure he was really happy to see you too!
ReplyDeleteAwww, glad Connor found a way for you to see him! Those types of moments of just connecting & being together have come to mean so much more to me than any riding stuff ever has. For me, in the end, it's the relationship that has the biggest impact on my life and on my being.
ReplyDelete