Connor came home with tons of new muscle from his time at GP trainer's, and I am completely unapologetic and not fussed about it at all when I say he's already lost some of it.
When he came home, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't freak out as he slowly became "my horse" again, for better and for worse. The truth is, even after four months of full training, he was never going to continue the level of work he was doing at the trainer's with me. Although it's awesome to know he CAN do all that stuff.
I'm an adult amateur who brought my horse home from the trainer's in the coldest month of the year right when the trainer left for Florida, oh and I'm trying to juggle two fully in-work horses for the first time ever, AND our fiscal year at work ended last week. Those aren't excuses, it's just reality. I'm not a Grand Prix rider with 20+ years of experience like she is, I'm not professionally riding horses day in and day out, and I am not going to beat myself up for being what I am and not being what I'm not.
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| See also: not Florida |
Instead, I'm focused on what I've gained. I have gained an enormous toolkit. I no longer have bad rides where everything is going off the rails and I don't know why, because she's given me (and him) ways to deal with most of the common problems I experience. The floor for what is "bad" is much higher now.
I have gained a horse that goes solidly into contact when I allow him to, and doesn't when I don't, which has done more to resolve my pulling habit than years of lessons have.
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| I got a new phone that's not yet compatible with Pivo, so I am sadly media-less for a bit. Although I'm working with them to fix it, so hopefully it doesn't take long. |
I have learned a lot (but still have so much more to learn) about "putting him together". It doesn't have enough finesse for me to call it a half-half yet, but I'm getting there.
Bottom line is I now have a horse that can teach me things, that I can progress on, and it really does not matter and should not matter that I can't keep him at the same level a GP rider can keep him at. I got exactly what I asked for in the beginning: a horse with an educated understanding of connection that knows more than I do about Dressage, and I'm happy about that.
Good for you! I've on/off struggled with an "I'm not worthy" attitude after trainers get on Gav, but what I know deep down is that Gav doesn't care if he ever becomes an FEI pony - I mean, I'd be thrilled, but he doesn't care. He wants pets and cookies and cuddles.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm a firm believer that you have to choose to be happy with where you are on the journey even while you're still pushing for more and reaching for goals. And the horses' thresholds for happiness are pretty low, as you say! You can't sweat this stuff or else it gets toxic.
DeleteI think that's the crux of it right there - if you just think about the next step and getting *over there* I think there are a lot of unhappiness and poor choices to be had.
DeleteI love this post. It's so easy to get discouraged in this situation, but the reality is, we have other things on our plate besides horses. The trainer where I board is so hard on everyone and has zero understanding that we don't all get to ride for a living. It can be... a lot to deal with. So your post really speaks to me.
ReplyDeleteUgh, it's just not worth it. We're millennials, dammit, we're generally going to self-flagellate ourselves for missing goals regardless, we don't need outside pressure to do it!
DeleteLol! I'm actually a Gen Xer... But on the cusp! (I'm so old.)
DeleteOh no Pivo! Can you not use your old phone as a non-lte thing to take those videos?
ReplyDeleteSamsung gave me $400 for my two year old phone with a cracked screen as a trade-in, so no I cannot, but no regrets about that obviously lol.
DeleteYour post really spoke to me. Love your attitude and how you are embracing (the many) positives that you've made happen this winter!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you got something out of it!
DeleteThis is really smart. I think as equestriams we can beat ourselves up to the point of inhibiting forward progress. Half the battle is having reasonable goals and expectations. Enjoying following your journey!
ReplyDeleteWe do, and it's hard to know what those expectations should be sometimes.
DeleteLove this post. I work full time and have an 8 year old and I'm thrilled when I can ride two days a week. Its hard when I think what I could be dong if I could ride more but you know what? It is what it is.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's a really healthy outlook I think.
DeleteLove this mindset!
ReplyDeleteThis post is helpful. I work full time, I'm at a co-op because I can't afford full care, we don't have an indoor and winter. My horse is crazy talented, and at 11 he's still working to lock down a solid first level and he's messing around with second. I often think he should be further along but I am doing the best I can with the life constraints I have.
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